it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
