I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
