i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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