shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
