Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
