So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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