You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
