susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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