True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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