a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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