I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
