She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
