tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize