i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
