I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize