I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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