remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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