So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
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You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
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I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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