It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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