I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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