theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
