And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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