just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
