I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
