Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
