I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
mondays should just be called national damage control day
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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