he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
