I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize