I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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