I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
