...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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