shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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