There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
