My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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