i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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