you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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