He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
