So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
