i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
