i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
