I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
