# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Randomize
