i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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