Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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