you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
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he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
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My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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