Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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