Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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