were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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