My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
then he tried to convert me to islam
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
When did angry sex become our thing?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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