i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
