You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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