Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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