i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
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I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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