There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
