her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
