I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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