I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
