paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize