I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
