I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
